There doesn’t seem to be much room for joy in adulthood. But is that really the case? Could it be that we just stop realising what it is that brings us pleasure? This article from a CPT therapist will help you figure it out.
DOES GROWING UP KILL PLEASURE?
Do you remember how easy it was to please us as children? We knew how to be surprised, we learnt new things every day, we wanted to try and learn. Everything around us was special and interesting, even the most ordinary things were easily transformed into magic.
As we grew older, all this gradually disappeared. Tasks, goals, deadlines appeared. The world, in general, became familiar and understandable… Finding pleasure in routine – that’s a new kind of magic!
In my free time: housework, time with loved ones, children and holidays (at best with a laptop on the sofa, as there is no energy for more). Holidays also have their own schedule: trips to the countryside or the sea. It helps to have a rest, of course, but is there much pleasure in it?
There is another important aspect: when we were children, our pleasures seemed brighter because they were free or paid for by our parents. As adults, our needs increase and require more financial expenditure and our time.
ENJOYMENT IS NOT EXPENSIVE
And yet, despite the fact that there are hobbies, hobbies that require considerable investment, it is unfair to limit yourself only to them. It is possible to find alternatives, it is only necessary to set a goal.
To withstand stress, tension, work rhythm, responsibility, you need to fill yourself up. And no, a glass of wine after a working day, although it is a pleasure, does not bring anything useful in the long term.
To avoid burnout, prolonged stress and depressive episodes, it’s important to create daily small pleasures
Find something that provides distraction and pleasure without harming your health, and perhaps even with a benefit (even if it only translates into a great mood). Something that you can share with your loved ones or keep as a personal hobby, something that will allow you to express yourself in a different, new way.
Life is full of shoulds, which is why it’s so important to do something just for your pleasure. Out of 100% of your life, allocate at least 5% to yourself and your hobby.
HOW TO FIND SOMETHING TO BE HAPPY ABOUT?
1. Try it!
As cliché as it may sound, unfortunately, no alternative has been invented yet. Search, try and search again. Study what is available in your city, what the Internet offers, what do you respond to, based on your preferences, values, opportunities? Get involved in the process without evaluation, without expecting results, treating it as a game.
2. Remember yourself as a child
It is good to go back to past experiences: write down all the things you enjoyed as a child that made you happy. See what you can bring into your life today? Maybe you were a dancer, but you dropped out after high school. This is a great opportunity to get back into it! Or maybe you dreamed of vocal training but were given to sports – it’s time to realise your childhood dreams and take a trial lesson.
3. Take a look around
Take a look around: what are your friends, colleagues, your partner passionate about? What if you join them, perhaps you’ve been sceptical of their hobbies for nothing? Or, on the contrary, you have long wanted to try something, but did not dare to do it alone. Invite them to join you: go to couples yoga, tango, shooting lessons or the theatre.
4. Don’t forget the small pleasures
In your search for big pleasures, don’t ignore daily rituals of joy. Such as lighting candles before bed, applying a delicious smelling cream, drinking coffee not just on the run, but slowly, deliberately, from a beautiful cup and with a delicious dessert.
Try not to look at yourself and your daily routine as something fixed and immutable. Explore, try, and approach finding joy for yourself with a child’s inherent curiosity – by playing and engaging in the process.
This will help you to get to know yourself better, to get to know what you love, it will help you to colour up your routine and it will certainly bring a lot of fun!