What does luck really mean? And how do you get it back after a series of failures?
Luck is a certain positive result, the fulfilment of those desires that are important for a person to feel a sense of joy, to be in an elevated mood, to stay, so to speak, on a wave of inspiration.
When we do not achieve our goals, we tend to get upset, worry, compare ourselves with others and experience a state of insecurity, insufficiency. All of this contributes to stress, anxiety, sometimes turning into depression.
Often we set goals to prove to ourselves and others that we can do something. It does not matter in what sphere: relationships, career, brightness of life or satisfaction of basic needs. But it’s not always possible to succeed. And if we lack self-regulation skills, it becomes very difficult to manage our psycho-emotional state after failures.
It is important to realise that each person is unique. We were born into different families and grew up in different environments. Some people look at failures as problems, while others look at them as opportunities. In the end, any failure is an experience, a part of life’s journey. And from every experience we can draw positive aspects. How to do it?
1. ANSWER 2 QUESTIONS
In order to look at failure in a positive way, ask yourself two questions:
- What can I be grateful to this situation/person for?
- What have I learnt(s)?
I also recommend that in the moment when you see the absence of the desired result, slow down, return to the adult position, analyse the current situation, draw conclusions, adjust and/or change your strategy altogether.
To do this, seemingly in an unpleasant situation, ask yourself three questions sequentially:
- What did I do wrong?
- What did I not do that should have been done?
- What knowledge (skills, abilities, competences) did I lack, because of what did I allow all this to happen?
By answering these questions, we take responsibility for our actions or inactions and learn lessons to move forward. This is the first step in avoiding stress and falling into the position of a victim who blames all circumstances and people.
2. ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE WRONG
We were born without an instruction manual for life and we gain experience minute by minute through trial and error.
And how do we manage our emotions, because in such moments we sometimes get angry at the whole world?
3. USE SIMPLE BUT EFFECTIVE METHODS
- Breathing: deep inhalation and exhalation will help to slow down stress levels.
- Water: during stress, the body loses water and our brain is 75% water. Lack of water can lead to decreased energy and slower processes. In these situations, drinking water in small sips can help calm you down.
- Action: place your hands on your solar plexus and say out loud to yourself, ‘Anger (fear, hatred, aggression, anxiety and any other destructive feeling you have traced in the moment), I see you. I feel you, I allow you to be. I thank you, I don’t need you anymore. I exchange you for gratitude.’ Inhale, exhale. Observe the state, how it will inevitably begin to change.
What happens in this moment? We are putting our feelings into words, replacing one state with another at the level of words, becoming less vulnerable. In this way we bring ourselves back to clarity and awareness on our own in the moment.
Setbacks are an inherent part of life, and only our perceptions and choices determine how to react and act next.
There are many practices to help clear the mind of negative thoughts, stop the internal dialogue and restore inner balance. Here are two very simple ways to do this.
1. Shower
Cleansing: the shower symbolically cleanses us of negative emotions and thoughts, as if washing away the weight of failure.
Physical relaxation: warm water relieves muscle tension and calms the nervous system, which often accompanies stress and failure.
Shifting attention: water distracts us from obsessive thoughts of failure and shifts our attention to pleasant sensations.
2. A walk in the woods
Nature therapy: a walk in the forest cleanses the mind and body, helps to distract from problems and fills with fresh energy. Walking in the woods allows you to focus on positive thoughts and feelings, which helps build self-confidence and set your mind up for success.
Fresh air: forest air is rich in phytoncides (biologically active substances produced by plants that kill or inhibit the growth and development of bacteria), which cleanse the respiratory tract and improve health.
Visual stimulation: green trees, sounds of birds and rustling leaves are good for the psyche and help relieve stress.
IT IS IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER
All of the above recommendations will work more effectively in combination. Do not expect instant results. Remember: it takes a lot of time and effort to develop a new skill, such as self-regulation.
If you find it difficult to cope with your emotions on your own, do not hesitate to seek help from a specialist with appropriate qualifications, knowledge and practical experience who will help you learn to self-regulate and find balance.