How many times throughout our lives have we heard the phrase, “What a selfish person!” And it sounds distinctly disapproving. So what’s wrong with putting yourself first? And is selfishness really such a bad quality to get rid of?
An altruist is a person who cares about other people and is always ready to help if a person is in trouble. And its complete opposite is an egoist, who wants happiness only for himself and puts his own interests above others. Altruists are loved and appreciated, while egoists, on the contrary, face social censure.
However, you can learn a lot from egoists, because putting yourself first is not a bad thing at all.
HOW TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN EGOISM AND HEALTHY EGOISM?
The term “selfishness” itself appeared in the 18th century and was originally defined as “reasonable self-love”.
Today, selfishness is perceived more often as a negative quality, which is used as a way to shame a person, to make him more manageable
However, there are different situations. If a person builds a career spitting on everyone or appropriates the merits of other people, in this case we are talking about the phenomenon of destructive egoism. But if a woman who worked hard all week, looked after the house, took care of the children, goes on a weekend excursion, entrusting things to her partner – this is a healthy egoism. So what good can selfishness do for us?
The opportunity to stop following other people’s expectations and learn to make our own decisions, take responsibility for them, significantly increase self-esteem and refuse unpleasant contacts with people
It is important to remember that the desire to think about oneself is inherent in human nature.
HOW TO UNDERSTAND WHERE THE FINE LINE BETWEEN EGOISM AND SETTING PERSONAL BOUNDARIES LIES?
Pure egoism is a destructive phenomenon, when a person, satisfying his needs, does not stop at anything and does not notice anyone but himself. And personal boundaries are a way of preserving one’s self from such attacks.
There is a wonderful quote: “Your personal boundaries end where another person’s personal boundaries begin”.
And if we are really able to help the person who asks for help, it will not destroy us and our personal boundaries, but, on the contrary, it will save us from being callous and selfish
IS EGOISM A PRECURSOR TO NARCISSISM?
It happens that egoism over time can develop into narcissism. It is very important to stop this process in time, warns Lyubov Lysenko.
Narcissism – it is excessive narcissism, inflated self-esteem, expecting constant attention and admiration from others.
How to understand that in front of you “terry egoist”? Here are his main qualities:
- Inability to empathise;
- complete denial of your needs and desires;
- imposing recommendations on how you live and what to do;
- demanding constant attention;
- refusing to help others.
To set healthy boundaries, Lyubov Lysenko advises following the words of the famous psychologist Frederick Perls: “I do mine, and you do yours. I don’t live in this world to fulfil your expectations. And you do not live in this world to conform to mine. You are you and I am me. And if we happen to find each other, that’s wonderful. If not, it can’t be helped.”